HOLD MY HAND. I'll take you there,
Somehow. Someday. Somewhere.
║│█│║▌║││█║▌│║▌║█║│█│║▌ Official Blog © Erin Macnamara ║│█│║▌║││█║▌│║▌║█║│█│║▌
I'm a 19 year old Fashion Junkee from Angeles City Pampanga. Been a blogger since I was 13. Frustrated singer & dancer and a hopeless romantic.
Brittney | Chi | Kate | Rio | Trish | Rhea | Abi | Rani | Nades | Anja | Lisa | Abi |
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views since April2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Had a very long week in school. I am so frikken stressed out and shit. And so I wonder... Why I still can't get you off my mind. It sucks, and it still hurts.
Q: How do you move on? ....
After a while.. You get sick of caring and you're too hurt to fight. Sometimes, no matter what you do, things won't be alright. Its not easy to state a reason why you fall out of love. Some might think its just an excuse, some might not actually believe. Some will blame you, some might even be mad at you.
A: You move on when your heart finally understands that there's no turning back.
- Erin Macnamara 06-25-10 10:10pm
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I wanted everything to stay the same but feelings fade and people change. I'm better off alone. I never really wanted to admit it. You tell me everything, I want to believe you. I want to believe everything you say, cause it sounds so convincing, but how am I suppose to believe your words, when your actions are totally different? In fact, they are the exact opposite of what you're saying. If you wanted me, you could've had me, but seriously, I don't want to be second best anymore. For a second there, I actually thought I moved up a spot. Then I realized how temporary I really am to you. If this is how it is, I don't need you in my life then. You want me to understand, but no, you NEED to understand. Understand, I'm a girl, doing this was already a very big step for me. Understand, I'm a happy person, lately you're just putting me down. I'm sorry to say all this, cause I'm not strong enough to say it to your face, but, I AM WORTH IT. You just couldn't see that because you're too busy getting another girl's attention slash flirting with another girl. But I did what I could, it wasn't good enough for you. Then again, I'm nothing to you. And I am so fucking stupid for even putting this much effort into something I was never sure of. We were nothing.
- Erin Macnamara 06-20-2010 9:47pm
Friday, June 18, 2010
"Once you let them go, you don't have control over them anymore.."
I'm lying to myself. I give myself false hope && false expectations that never match up to reality. I twist circumstances around in my mind to make them seem better than they actually are. I think too much about the smallest, most insignificant gestures and blow them up like balloons and float around in this euphoric bubble of what could be and what I want to happen, and am always so let down by what I'm left with, an almost, could-be, maybe situation. I think too much into an accidental hand brushing and prolonged eye contact. I tell myself that it can still happen, and I cling to the tiniest little glimmers of hope, even though I know that there's a little itch I can't scratch that tells me that I'm wrong, and that I can't make something out of nothing. I'm living in this fantasy world, where happy endings really do exist, and the boy and the girl always do end up together. I'm tricking myself into thinking that we're perfect for each other, when in reality, we may as well be strangers.
"Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard. Like when you fall in love with someone, but they forget to love you back."
- Erin Macnamara 06-19-2010 12:47am
It seems when you want someone, they don’t want you; when someone wants you, you don’t want them. And when you both want each other, something or someone has to come around and mess it up.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Sure, I talk to other guys but I don't talk to them like the way I talk to you. Sure, those other guys can make me smile but not make me smile as much as you do. Sure, they can make me laugh but not make me laugh like the way you do. Yeah, there's a lot of guys out there, but listen, none of them can compare to you. Those other guys can holla and whatever, but my eyes and heart are set on you. And when I'm with you my heart sighed. The sigh radiated from the hole in my chest, from that place that had never seen light, from that place that had taken all of my joy and given me only loneliness. "There you are," I said, "you don't know how long I have been waiting for you." =)
Happy birthday :)
- Erin Macnamara 06-15-2010 11:03am
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thinking of cutting my hair like that, but 2inches longer I guess., and have it straight. Would it look good on me? What do you think? :)
I still have a month to think about it :>
Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here til the moment I'm gone. You hold me without touch. You keep without chains. I never wanted anything so much, than to drown in your love and not feel your rain. ..... I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity. :|
"Trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as trying to control who you fall in love with."
- Erin Macnamara 06-11-2010 6:22pm
pic grabbed from Tumblr
Thursday, June 10, 2010
It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone you love with your useless pride.
"Wala naman talagang REBOUND/Panakip-butas sa mundo eh. Nagkataon lang na andyan ka nung panahong nawalan siya."
BOYS become MEN when they:
- Follow you when you walk out.
- Call you back when you hang up.
- Hug you when you punch them.
- Watch chick-flics with you.
- Tolerate your crying over love stories.
- Hand you the remote.
- Pass on booze nights just to listen to your ranting.
- Don't flare you when you give car directions.
- Says I'm sorry and tells you he needs you.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Sometimes when I'm sad, nothing can really bring me back up right away. Not words, not good advice, or even the people around me trying to make me happy can't make me happy just like that. You should never tell someone just to be happy and forget about whats holding them down because you are not dealing with the pain in their heart. It takes time and patience for someone to get back up. It's not that easy. So please, wag kayong magalit sakin if I'm full of drama for the past few days. You should understand what I'm going through. Just like how my best friend (Noreen) understands me. But yeah, don't worry.. I'm keeping my heart. I'm gonna be strong and I won't fall apart. I'll be on my way and it's gonna take time, but eventually, I'll be okay.. Ok?
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
" En enn ennn. :) i can open your blogspot in my laptop, yey! i dont know what to say, im speechless and at the same time touched with what you wrote on your blog. and finally you listened to my advices, thank GOD! :) well im glad that you fell a bit better now coz you dont deserve to get hurt. especially if its not even worth your tears. basta "time and space"-->yan muna for now. and pls give yourself a break okay? you have given so much thats why it hurts so bad. i hope you learned something now, and please use your time wisely. use it by loving yourself first before you love someone again or in the future. :p and if ever youll fall in love again wag 100% ang ibibigay mo, kase you cant expect naman na he could give you the same or that he will treat you the way you did, give and take ha? magtira ka naman para sa sarili mo, lol! and wag puro puso gamitin dear, gamitin mo din utak mo. just always remember this. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". i know your a strong girl, kaya dont let other people hurt you or even bring you down. and dont make decisions based on what other people say or just to satisfy what they want, ur a smart girl to decide for yourself. your pretty and all kaya you deserve a lot and someone better! im always here for you, kaya nga bestfriend db? fix your life na and stop crying, hehe.. i miss and love you bitch! *hug hug, take care always-moi♥
PS: omg, its kinda long! lets stop the drama bitch. this is US! hahaha.."
This message made me cryyy. Awwww! So sweet ♥
Here's a picture I wanna share. It's from the shoot I did last week. I still don't have copies of the other pics, but I'll keep you guys posted as soon as I have them. This photo was taken by Eric Galang. He is such a great photographer. He's funny and all so you won't be bored when you get to work with him. :)
Anyhoo, how do you like my new BG music? It's Justin Bieber's "Overboard". I can so relate to the song that I can't stop listening to it anymore. :)
- Erin Macnamara 06-08-2010 7:42pm
Monday, June 7, 2010
Hellooo to my readers :) I feel a bit better now.. So yeah, I'm here again posting another blog. ^___^
I would like you guys to meet my best friend, Noreen. So anyways, we call her Moi or MoiMoi. She has always been there for me through thick and thin. Ups & downs. Good times and bad times. And I love her for that. Tulad nalang ngayon.. Pag kailangan ko ng advices and someone to talk to and tell all my drama's, kahit alam kong nakakasawa na kasi paulit-ulit nalang.. She's there.. Always. Comforting me. And making me feel that I'm not alone.
Every single bit of her advices really helps. Kahit nga, makinig lang siya sa lahat ng kadramahan ko, sobrang nakakatulong na talaga.
Recently, every night before I sleep, I text her with my drama like "Anong gagawin ko" Blahblah's, and she always finds time to reply, to make me feel better, to comfort me. When I wake up in the morning, I text her with the same old shit, she still replies.. Sobrang dami na namin napagdaanan. I'll name one: Yung time na inaway ko siya over a guy. Heehee. Pero eto, she's still here. We're still tight. Mapa-drama, away, trip, we're still together. Especially pag may kaaway, lagi siyang andyan, with matching "PANLA-LAIT" hahaha! But actually we're not making "LAIT" naman, we're just describing. Right, Moi? :) I love you! Thank you so much for everythiiiing and for not getting tired of my drama ♥ Makakabawi rin ako sayo! ;)
- Erin Macnamara 06-08-2010 1:52pm
Should I blame love for making me think about that person everyday? Or should I blame that person for making me feel this way?
I'm so tired of getting hurt over and over again. And I am stupid when it comes to love. As long as I see myself happy, go lang. Kahit masakit na. Kahit hindi na tama, go pa din. Palagi nalang akong nasasabihan ng "bakit ka nagpapakatanga sakanya?". I am in major pain right now. I sound gay, I know :| Ganito pala pag unexpected lahat. Kasi seryoso, I didn't expect this. Din't really expect I'd fall in love with him. I never saw this coming. I swear. Pero for now siguro, makikinig muna ako sa bestfriend ko. Kahit ngayon lang.. She's right.. I need to rest. I need time and space.. Hindi dapat palagi ako yung umiintindi. I can't say I'm better off without him, cause I'm not! FML. Pero what can I do? Wala akong choice. Kelangan kong panindigan lahat to. At ano ba naman, nasa school nga ako kanina. Yung isip ko naman lumilipad. GAAAAH -____- Help meee, I want my heart to stop breaking! :(
"Kahit gaano pa kayo katagal mawala sa isa't isa, kung kayo, kayo talaga." - Ate Jez.
- Erin Macnamara 06-07-2010 11:28pm
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Rule #5 (rules before going to college) : Don't get your heart broken before the first day of class.
I just did. I got my heart broken. How cool is that?
Today I spent 3hours in the shower thinking and crying my heart out. I never thought those crying-in-the-shower scene on TV drama's would happen in reality, or in other words, would happen to me since I never really took my past relationships that seriously.
Deleted him on Facebook. Am I being bitter? I guess not. I just want him out of my life for awhile.. Yeah, just for awhile.. Maybe a week? A month? A year? Depends, alam ko naman na hindi ko rin siya kayang tiisin. I just wanna think. And I wanna realize things.. Things that he's trying to say. That I deserve someone better. Or vice versa, make him realize my worth when I'm gone.
Love makes you so vulnerable that it opens up your chest and opens up you heart so someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor. You protect yourself so nothing can hurt you. Then one guy, that is so not different with any other guy, wonders into your life. You give him a piece of you. He'll stare at you, smile at you then kiss you. And then your life isn't your own anymore.. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you and leaves you crying. A simple phrase like "maybe we should just be fiends" would turn into a glass splinter working its way into your fragile heart. It hurts. Not just an imaginary hurt. It's a soul-hurt. A real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I miss him. I miss how he cared for me, how he always makes my day, how he used to cheer me up, and how he makes me feel that he loves me. I miss everything that used to be.
I hate this feeling! :( School starts tomorrow and I'm so messed up. Goodluck.
- Erin Macnamara 06-06-2010 8:00pm
Saturday, June 5, 2010
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me". =)
Behind the scene: June 03 shoot.
Did you know I had to climb that tree, too? Yeah, with heels and all. Haha! Wait for the official pics :)
Photographers: Jan Bondoc, Eric Galang, and Louie Pineda.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Okay so my layout's new again. It's pink and yeah it's girly. It's more simple than my recent layout.
So anyways.. I've realized... That... Sometimes, it's easier to pretend, to not confront reality, and to hide your feelings. It's better than letting sadness and the feeling of disappointment consume you and take control of you and your actions. It's less exhausting that way. It's better to say and act like everything's alright than to have to explain yourself and face the fact that things aren't what you want them to be as of the moment. It's not that you're lying to yourself. It's just that you'd rather not tell the truth. You hug him goodbye like it's nothing, while all you want to do is hold on forever, but you let go, smile and walk away. Then cry all the way home because you know it will never be the same because try as you might, you can't make someone love you the way you want to be loved. Sometimes, you have to let them be free. And letting go? That's when love hurts most of all :(
- Erin Macnamara 06-05-2010 ; 1:36pm
My layout got fucked up so I'm using this blogger template for the mean time since I'm too lazy to fix it! And I'm blaming Chi for this. If it wasn't because of the comment per post thingy, my layout wouldn't get messed up! /:) HAHA but I still love her! :) How stupid of me for not saving a copy of my layout codes. :|
- Erin Macnamara 06-05-2010 ; 11:43am
Thursday, June 3, 2010
"lets just give this time. if ever magiging tyo i want it to last. make sure it does. yung ganon. lets be friends muna. i'll always be here watching your back naman."
Panindigan sana ang sinabi.
And suddenly I realized... Na tama sya, that maybe we should give this time. Its better not to rush things. Especially when you want a relationship to last. =)
- Erin Macnamara (06-04-2010 1:34pm)
Ilan beses ko na sinusuksok sa utak ko na "madaming iba dyan". Pero dana, oo nga, sobrang daming iba. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, kahit ipilit ko, wala e. Sya talaga :(
"Don’t let anyone make you think you don’t deserve what you want."
♥ ♥ ♥ Erin Macnamara * 6-04-2010 ; 12:32pm
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Ayaw kong masanay sa mga bagay na alam kong kaya ko namang wala sa buhay ko.
"Masarap mag mahal pag mas mahal ka ng taong minamahal mo."
-Yan motto ng mga taong siniswerte sa pag-ibig na nagmamahal at nasusuklian ng tama yung pagmamahal nila sa isang tao. That sadly, I didnt get. I think?
Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba talaga. Come and go kasi. And feeling ko pinapaasa lang ako na ayaw na ayaw kong ginagawa sakin. I've always been telling myself na "ayaw ko na", pero hindi ko mapanindigan. I just love him so much and its really hard for me to let go. I really needed someone to talk to, buti nalang gising pa si Mommy Jho. (nanay-nanayan ko since my elementary days in LMSI) I asked for advices because I know nang-galing na sya sa ganitong situation. Actually, nangyari na rin sakanya before when she was in HS so I guess I should trust her with all the advices she gave me.
"You are young and beautiful. Madami pang dadating na seryoso sayo. Ittreat ka na daig pa sa prinsesa. Pag nag mahal ka, 60% sayo 40% sakanya, wag mo ibuhos lahat para di ka masyado masaktan. Ang ganda ganda moh noh! Pwede ba!" - mommy jho.
"AYOKO NA" ; Parang ang daling pakinggan diba? Pero ang hirap hirap gawin. Its like sinasaktan ko lang sarili ko if I try to stop myself from loving him. Pag ako yung lumalayo, ako yung nasasaktan. Altough sobrang gulong gulo talaga isip ko if I should stop nalang because I feel na nagmumukha akong tanga na umaasa sa wala. Or Go lang, dahil yun nararamdaman ng puso ko. :(
Dami kong tanong na hindi ko matanong dahil natatakot ako sa magiging sagot. ANO BAAAAAA. Bakit pa kasi nauso ang love.
"The truth is, I can live without you. I just dont want to."
♥ ♥ ♥ Erin Macnamara *6-2-2010 4:29am
If I were rain,
I was drizzle && he was hurricane.